How to Create an Enduring and Healthy Marriage

Have you ever wondered what the steps are to building an enduring and healthy marriage? Well I have so I decided to do some research and figure out just how to do that. I am just a newly-wed who wants to know anything and everything I can do to make my marriage the very best it can be and I want to share with you all what I have learned. I am no professional on these topics so take what I have to say with a grain of salt. Enjoy!

"While marriage is difficult, and discordant and frustrated marriages

 are common, yet real, lasting happiness is possible, and marriage can be 

more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive. 

This is within the reach of every couple, every person." 

-President Spencer W. Kimball

Steps to building an enduring and healthy marriage:

1. Personal commitment to the marriage covenant

In a covenant marriage, both partners are tied to each other eternally. They are willing to both give 100% of themselves to each other in every way and always do whatever they can to make the marriage work. Through struggles and trials, they are there for each other. They trust each other and help each other grow and become strengthened by every trial. A covenant marriage is centered on the teachings of our Savior, Jesus Christ. When both the husband and wife are focused on their relationship with the Savior and then with each other, the Lord will fill in all the shortcomings of the marriage. It will allow the spirit to be constantly present in the relationship allowing for a happy and healthy home. Couples should strive to have regular church attendance and fulfill their callings to the best of their abilities. Both husband and wife should support each other in their callings and acts of service. Frequent temple visits should be important in the marriage. Make it a date once a month to go together to the House of the Lord and worship our maker. Pray and have daily scripture study with your family and individually to allow the bond with the Savior to be a part of your family as well as in your relationship. 

"When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, 

kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their 

religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste—mentally and physically—

so that their whole thoughts and desires and loves are all centered in the 

one being, their companion, and both work together for the upbuilding of the 

kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle." 

-President Kimball

2. Love and Friendship

"Love as distinct from “being in love” is not merely a feeling. 

It is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit. 

They can have this love for each other even at those moments when they 

do not like each other. It is on this love that the engine of marriage 

is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

- C. S. Lewis

True love comes from deep friendship, the mutual respect of each other and the need to see each other happy. Husbands and wives should strive for an eternal friendship as well as an eternal marriage. Marriage isn't just about having children and cohabitation together. It is also about having fun together and making life long memories with the person that you love. Figure out what makes your partner feel loved. Learn their "Love Languages" and execute them to show them how much you truly care for them. Communicate with them and tell them that you love them along with showing them. Complement daily, show respect and most importantly, love unconditionally. 

3.  Positive Interaction

Positive emotions are at the heart of a happy marriage. Negative emotions lead to hard feelings and hurt feelings. There should always be more positive interaction than negative in a marriage. Although positive interaction is best, negative is necessary and sometimes helpful when finding ways to change and strengthen the marriage, just make sure the positive outweighs the negative. To make sure there is more good than bad, make sure you are focusing on the good. Tell your spouse five good things about them each day. Strive to find the best in each other. 

"I have witnessed much of the best and much of the worst in marriage. 

Faultfinding replaces praise. When we look for the worst in

 anyone, we will find it. But if we will concentrate on the best, that element 

will grow until it sparkles." 

- President Gordon B. Hinkley

4. Accepting influence from ones spouse

Accepting influence means "to counsel with and listen to one’s spouse, respecting and considering his or her opinions as valid as one’s own, and compromising when making decisions together." 

• Work together to make decisions, small and big. 
• Turn to each other for advice and strongly consider what they have to say. 
• Be open to new ideas. 
• Compromise 
• Be sensitive to your spouses thoughts and feelings

Following these steps will help lead to a healthy marriage where both partners are equal and share ideas with one another. They will help make decisions easier and allow for less arguments when it comes to difference in opinion.

5. Respectfully Handle Differences and Solve Problems

Don't be discouraged if you have arguments or conflicts in your marriage, everyone does. The problem only lies in not being able to resolve problems. Both partners have different opinions, different upbringings, and different aspects on life. These all lead to different ideas when problems arise. The key to getting through arguments is to keep calm, speak softly and privately, and work together to come to a conclusion. 

"Every couple, whether in the first or the twenty-first year of marriage, 

should discover the value of pillow-talk time at the end of 

the day—the perfect time to take inventory, to talk about tomorrow. 

And best of all, it’s a time when love and appreciation for one another can be 

reconfirmed. The end of another day is also the perfect setting to say, 

“Sweetheart, I am sorry about what happened today. Please forgive me.” 

You see, we are all still imperfect, and these unresolved differences, 

allowed to accumulate day after day, add up to a possible breakdown in the marital 

relationship— all for the want of better communication, 

and too often because of foolish pride."

- Elder Rober L. Simpson

6. Continuing Courtship through the Years

Some people think that after you get married then you don't have to date anymore because you've already got the girl/boy. That is definitely not true! Don't let your love grow cold over the years, don't let your marriage age with time, keep it young. Keep your love alive. Keep dating even after you are married. Do things for each other daily to show that you are still in love with each other, to show that you still see that spark. Show them that you still are and always will be happy that you ended up together. 

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. 

You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the 

elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes 

tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes 

special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious 

as time goes by. Eternal marriage is just like that. We need to treat it just that way."

-Elder F. Burton Howard

Information found in Chapter 3 of Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives.